


You've Got a Friend in Me

by Diddle_Riddle



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Toy Story, Best Friends, Cat!Selina, Child!Joker, Crack Treated Seriously, Edward being a drama queen, Fluff and Humor, Friends as Family, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Light Angst, The Rogues Gallery, Toys!Rogues Gallery, Yet some angst too, child!Bruce Wayne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2020-10-04 21:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20477519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diddle_Riddle/pseuds/Diddle_Riddle
Summary: Everything was perfect in Edward's little world. He had awesome friends, lived in a rich house and was his owner's favorite toy. A dream life for a plastic figurine like him.Until the fateful day Bruce came home with a human being his age who became his friend, and from then he began spending more time playing in he other child's company rather than with his beloved toys.Aka, this is the Toy Story AU starring Bruce Wayne and his Rogues Gallery you never knew you wanted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, here comes a thank you to my super friend who played beta for the first chapter. Little Bird, known here as Alcanova, welcome to Archiveofourown! Enjoy your stay ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a crackish, supposedly funny AU based on a very weird dream I had.  
But I have no idea where this is going, so feel free to let me know what you think; for that I can see if I should continue this or not.  
So... let's try.  
Enjoy! <3

Nobody seemed to get the problem.

They all thought it was a _good thing_ and the most positive experience Bruce could gain from school.

Edward was boiling with anger and frustration from the moment it began, and he failed to understand why none of his fellow acolytes got the massive issue currently destroying their lives. Of course he exaggerated there, he was aware of it. It was not for nothing that everybody called him a drama queen. But _still_.

How could they just be happy with that and not plan a scheme to get rid of the new comer?!

"Look at him, all cheerful and energetic.", he grumbled angrily. "He looks like a dangerous maniac."

Jonathan shook his large head. The buttons forming his eyes looked at the scene with a slightly bored expression, and he adjusted his scarecrow hat.

"Edward. They are having fun outside like normal children. That's it."

"And that's terrible!", the figurine exclaimed dramatically. "Look at Bruce!", he whined. "He seems so lost without us. He needs our help!"

The rag doll granted a skeptical glance to the plastic figure at his right.

"Sure...", he scoffed. "He definitely looks like someone who needs to be saved urgently from his fate."

Edward nodded vigorously, glad to finally meet some kind of approval, only for Jonathan to sigh loudly, attesting just how much he deemed stupid and silly Ed's obsession with their young owner's new center of interest.

The two toys went back at watching the scene in the parc. They were at the window of Bruce's huge bedroom and had a bird's eye view on the garden from their floor. They could see at least a part of said garden, considering how enormous the Wayne property was.

But as long as Bruce and the other little boy played on this cleared grass field and didn't go below the trees circling it, they could spy on them in peace from their spot.

"A _ball_.", Edward spat dismissively. "This clown makes our Bruce play with a _ball! _This is a disaster!"

Jonathan didn't even bother to answer.

Bruce was laughing as they played, running to catch the ball and sending it back with a bit... too much force. A few times, he hit the other boy somewhat _violently_ with it, but the blond kid just laughed and asked him playfully if he trained to become a ninja who practiced attacks by throwing things at his enemies.

His playmate was full of energy and never pointed out nor made fun of Bruce's strange habits. The toys were used to their owner's eccentricities, and they all loved him and cared for him the way he was.

It was new however, for Bruce to meet a _human_ his age who felt the same.

At the beginning of this school year, he came back from primary school in an unusual mood: he was _excited_.

Bruce Wayne objectively hated school and every activity outside of the Manor and the huge garden around.

He didn't like to go out in Gotham, didn't like the noise, the smell, and the vision of all those people walking everywhere. All this activity making the town look like an oversized, colourful anthill. School had the same effect on him with its children running in the playground, adults speaking loudly, alarm bells ringing... too many sensory informations exploded around him in this stressful environment.

Jonathan and Edward weren't there yet during Bruce's kindergarten years, but the toys who were, like Harvey and Oswald, narrated how their owner used to be as a toddler. Back then, he couldn't manage a school day without either crying or screaming at some point, and he got scolded by his parents every evening for not making any efforts. They went as far as repeating they were ashamed of their son's behaviors, saying he acted like a freak for no reason, just to gather attention directed at him. What was nothing near true, of course.

Alfred told him every time none of his reactions were his fault, and that they could overcome the difficulty together. He reassured and soothed his young master, always supportive and helpful.

Ah, Alfred.

The toys were all so very fond of him.

He was kind, considerate, and he regularly participated in Bruce's games, unlike his parents who almost never touched the toys. Or their son.

So it's to a _general surprise_ that Bruce one day comes back from a day of primary school all happy with himself saying that there was a new boy in his class whom acted very friendly and talked to him. He didn't add that the boy seemed dumb or mean, while usually one of those two options (sometimes both) were Bruce's sole description of his fellow comrades. Both classmates and school staff alike.

Edward had been instantly highly suspicious. As it turned out however, Bruce wasn't faking this new interest of his to have his parents quit repeat he "should make an effort and participate to activities to make friends instead of staying alone all day and refusing all form of contacts with other children his age".

But no, he was not faking.

Bruce was serious about this new comer whom didn't force him to come and play in the middle of the noises everywhere, but only proposed they spent time together. And the eight years old boys actually _bonded_. Soon this weirdo of Joseph Kerr arrived at the Manor during the weekend afternoons, and Bruce's complete attitude _changed_.

Everyone was delighted with said change and the fact Bruce had a friend. Everyone except Edward who was a jealous little thing and who couldn't stand the fact he went from "favorite toy" to "second favorite toy after a _human being_".

As a result, for the third weekend J (because for whatever reason, this odd kid preferred to be called under a letter rather than his full name...) spent at the house, Ed currently railed against the circumstances. That is to say, complained heavily to his fellow associates about the fact their owner was _having fun_ but, and that was an untenable situation: not having fun with _them_.

An agile spring later, Selina arrived at Ed's right on the comfortably large windowshill. Bruce spent a lot of time here, watching the sky at night. During summer he went out on the private balcony accessible from the bay window on the 'living-room' part of his bedroom. But he also liked to stay here, on the window closest to his bed, just watching the garden and the stars at night.

Everyone loved those nights. Selina curled up next to Bruce whom picked the main Gallery of his toys to watch the stars with him. He played then, inventing complex stories about starships and adventures the toys lived with pleasure.

Right now though, the afternoon was bright and only Jonathan, Edward and now Selina stood at the window.

"I can't even come closer.", the black cat deplored. "I was hunting outside, then I tried to stop by. But they are playing like two hysterical psychos! This boy has a bad influence on our Bruce. It's _dangerous_."

Edward approved immediately. The other toys were skeptical about his protests, but at least the house's cat shared his opinion. Selina too, was jealous of J whom took too much of their owner's time.

Her emerald green eyes shot daggers at the scene, pretty much like Eddie was doing from the moment Bruce and J settled for this silly game outside.

"I want to do something.", Selina decided firmly.

"Yes!", the figurine supported, glad they could team up on this.

The cat and him were very good friends and they often agreed on topics. But the J Kerr affair was delicate. At first Selina was convinced he won't stay long so that it required not much attention.

But now three weeks later, the boy was still there and Bruce was more and more _happy_ with his presence. Time to react in consequence.

Therefore Edward declared solemnly:

"We have to do something! We can't just let Bruce go outside and have fun with a boy his age, enjoy life and have a friend! We must save him from such nonsense!"

Selina approved energetically:

"I'm in! We must come up with a plan."

Jonathan as for him shared his point about this alliance's goal by a dramatic facepalm.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is... no actual plot for this story.  
I can't think of a better summary XD

To fight the enemy, first of all you have to _know_ the enemy.

Understand them, get into their head and analyze their thoughts, the situation they live in, their pressure points and their reactions. Study the adversary before you attack them for better, stronger and more efficient results.

This was a well-known, overused but clever strategy.

Edward possessed many qualities. "Endless" was the adjective he used himself to describe his assets; though no one ever agreed with that, for some obscure reason he still needed to figure out. But among his main attributes, _cleverness_ was one he bragged about more regularly.

Thus his brilliant mind produced a plan. A scheme what no one called clever, to his greatest regrets.

"That's it? You want to learn more about him? That's your big project."

"It's a lot more _complicated _than that.", Ed's frustrated voice cut the sarcasm. "I have to _improvise_ given the clues and informations we have. It's a field work, my lady."

Pamela refrained the urge to roll her eyes.

"You are a lost cause, Eddie dearest, you know that?"

The figurine only huffed in response. He decided not to give in for once, and left aside Pam's permanent provocations. The two of them teased each other constantly. And even if they enjoyed the other's company (what they would never admit of course, yet it was true...), sometimes Pamela acted a bit _sharp_ with him. As a result, his pride bruised way too easily and rapidly when talking with her.

"You are free to think what you want to think.", he retorted dismissively.

"What a powerful reply.", the dryad statuette made of hard plastic sneered, and this time Edward _pouted_.

He had never been interested in pretending to be polite or mature, so witnessing childish reactions and petulant, bratty behaviors were part of the daily joys his fellow comrades lived in his company.

"You mock me now.", he let out afterwards, outraged. "But you'll see, I am going to help us go back at the time life was good for us!"

"Life _is_ good for us.", she yawned. "And you are... super uninteresting right now."

Forgetting his plans and elaborations, the figurine entered into a fierce argumentation from then, to defend himself from such savagery. To what the dryad toy countered with her typical brash demeanor.

Everyone was used and always loved those little fights because of how funny Eddie's reactions, although very _predictables_, were. Plus Jonathan congratulated himself not to be taken to task by Edward to support him at present time, because in all sincerity he won't have been able to fake he was interested and supportive on the matter.

In addition, Jon much preferred watching his partner debating and getting irritated on his own rather than help him arguing. The spectator role always remains the most humorous in those moments.

What could they say? Each of them had their amicable qualities and those special skills what made them such _good friends_.

"I don't get it. Why does he bother himself with trying to look good like that?!"

"To the best of my knowledge.", Jonathan analysed without trying to hide his boredom. "That's because he wants to impress him."

"Ah!", Edward shouted. "And nobody thinks this is a problem?! Since when our Brucie _takes care of himself_ and thinks of his looks?!"

"You are the first one to deplore how he never gives a damn about his appearance.", Pamela truthfully pointed out.

"I wanted him to take care of _himself _for _himself! _Not for some damn weird clown!"

Being both taller than him, Jon and Pam shared a glance over Edward's head. An habit that highly pissed him off, especially given the fact most toys of the main Gallery were manufactured as taller, or even _much taller_ than him.

He will complain to the Chinese factory what decided of his proportions. Sure these were standard for an action figurine, but _still_. He needed someone or something to pay against the reality he belongs to the category of the smallest toys here.

At least he had Jervis who was smaller than him.

Bruce just went to school, Alfred drove him there.

It was currently morning, the parents already left for Wayne Enterprises. Selina wasn't back yet from her night out, as often when she went in hunting trips like those. Plus today was shopping day, so Alfred will come back late enough in the morning to allow the toys to walk around in the house. They made sure to be back in Bruce's bedroom before the butler's return... and almost always managed not to make it look too suspicious.

Most of them deduced the butler suspected something. To the Gallery however, it simply added to the fun: they must avoid at all cost to get caught, but nothing kept them from messing a bit with Alfred by making him wonder "what happened here..." more than once.

They have been created for children to play with them. Thus no one could decently reproach them they lacked of maturity.

So while the toys began to circulate in the house during the usual schedule, Edward stood on Bruce's desk in the private office attached to his bedroom. Their owner's suite was a complete house itself, so no need to reach the parents' offices to _work_.

Jonathan and Pamela climbed the desk with him, a little bit out of curiosity and _a lot _to watch over. They must make sure he won't do anything with the computer that Bruce and Alfred risked to notice. Because no one will ever forget that time Edward made himself an account to publish fanfictions, and managed to keep it discreet for months before one day he forgot to log out and left the website in tab. Alfred had stared at this intensely, then gave a quick glance to the office and the bedroom, as if looking for something. But he didn't say anything, simply clicked on the red cross on top of the thumbnail then turned off the computer.

Everyone had been so scared a short moment, they all scolded Eddie afterwards and strictly forbid him from trying something like this again. Not that he needed their opinion, he had been stressed enough himself on the moment not to reiterate the experience.

"There is nothing about him!", Ed declared, victorious.

The two others eyed him activating the keyboard.

"Except the school report. Give me a little more time..."

Navigating on the Internet, Edward looked for informations about Joseph Kerr. No one knew what he expected to find. But apparently, discovering exactly where he lived and why Bruce never went to his house was considered an important first step into finding out 'something wrong' about the boy.

"He is just self-conscious because he has been invited in _Wayne Manor_.", Jonathan had offered as a justification when a few of his comrades indeed wondered why the blond kid came to Bruce's house but the reversal never happened. "No matter where he lives and what job his parents are working in, it will always appear second-rate compared to the Wayne family. So it's normal he doesn't propose Bruce spends an afternoon with him."

Sure, the explanation seemed credible in itself. But whenever Alfred asked J about his schedule and where to drive him back on the evening, the child always gave a location in the middle of the town and went to his house or apartment on his own from there. No other word about his parents except for the fact they "are busy" and anyway they let him "free of his time schedule".

Plus there were the clothes he wore. Not exactly _rich_ ones. Martha and Thomas didn't mind nonetheless. Edward registered the way they frowned here and there, more at the beginning, when seeing this poorly dressed boy run in the corridors of their precious property. This reached the funny part, to see the upper class couple so obviously _bothered _ by J who doesn't belong to the same social rank as them. What added to the comical scene was how they clearly made an _effort_ not to share their annoyance out loud because on the other hand they were relieved their son finally talked to a classmate not to fight or tell them to leave him alone, but actually to _befriend_ with them.

Eddie would have acknowledged this made J Kerr actually quite sympathetic, if it wasn't for the interest Bruce granted him way too fast; as if the energetic child was a new shining toy his owner developed a crush on.

Ugh. Now he hated that J kid.

"We must prove he is only using Bruce as a distraction. We have to make Brucie realize he doesn't care about him.", Ed claimed later, still scrolling via the computer. "Kerr never shares anything, he doesn't say a word about his family, never shows anything to Bruce, and he only enjoys his company to be invited here at our place. This is not what friends do."

"... The parents won't let Brucie go to Gotham's popular districts anyway.", Pam reflexioned instead of uttering a cynical remark. "So what should it matter that J doesn't invite him, since he would be forced to refuse either ways?"

"That is _not _the problem!", Edward retorted firmly while everyone remained aware the problem was precisely _that_ and nothing else. "What we need to keep in mind is the fact Kerr is an inner agent who has for sole mission to steal from here or have access to secret informations about Wayne Enterprises. Why otherwise would a classmate talk and play with Bruce? He necessarily nurtures hidden motives. And to achieve his ends, he lures our Brucie into believing he is sincere with him!"

Both Jonathan and Pamela barely held back a comment among the lines of 'there's something _really_ wrong with you, Eddie'. Instead the rag doll simply concluded in a deadpan manner:

"Edward, you are doing it again. You play detective as if the world is against you and everyone spies on you to reveal your secrets."

Pam chuckled at the truthful analysis, and the figurine huffed, trying to reclaim his dignity.

"But I _am_ a detective.", he argued. "I solve cases and no mystery ever resists me."

The others prudently chose not to answer. This formed an important part of Eddie's induced personality, he couldn't (let alone he _didn't want _to) fight it.

But truth be told, that Edward was a figurine of the main character from a kid's show starring, effectively, a detective who solves eccentric cases mixing supernatural elements and teenagers in costumes _didn't h__elp_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Batman Day!  
No, there is no reference or link in this story. But since today is official Batman Day 80 years, let's all celebrate! ;)

_One month ago:_

"It's from the show the Riddle Factory?"

"Yes!", Bruce assured, then gripped Edward to bring him closer. "It's my Edward Nygma.", he declared proudly.

Eddie felt oh so _smug_ upon seeing how Bruce showed him with pride.

"You have bunch of cool stuff!"

The overexcited kid began running around in the huge bedroom. Ed would have preferred it if his moment of glory lasted longer, but he was happy nonetheless with the meeting. He found a little fan, and it gave Bruce an occasion to brag while putting him under the spotlight. What was not to love in the current situation?

"This one is funny!"

J pointed to the large stuffed toy on the bed.

"It looks fat.", he giggled then, as if that was an interesting remark, and Bruce frowned.

"His name is Oswald.", their young owner corrected as if he lectured the other boy.

He sounded already incredibly grumpy, not amused at all by the lack of respect expressed by his comrade. After what he walked toward the bed, then scooped the round purple and blue stuffed penguin.

"And don't call him fat.", he went on in an accusative tone of voice.

J Kerr arched an eyebrow at the sudden change of mood. He was obviously not expecting this, but it wasn't long before it made him _laugh_ some more.

"Okay! Sorry, Oswald the penguin.", he apologized.

He even bowed quite theatrically, in a parody of sincere excuses. Edward couldn't help but think he might get along well with this boy. He already heard Jonathan and Pamela's afflicted comments of: "great. All we needed is _another_ overdramatic showman".

After he stood up straight again, J turned to Bruce wide-eyed and asked:

"Do you think he forgave me?"

Although he sounded very amused by the situation, he was not making fun of it either. He was simply so _into_ the moment. What a funny kid.

Bruce gazed at the stuffed animal. He considered the issue with a deadly serious expression for a full minute. J even held his breath over the _tension_ Bruce managed to create in what would have been a ridiculously simple context for any other child. But not with the little master, everything always proved to be _intense_ whenever he involved himself in something.

At last, he nodded like a businessman before he rendered his verdict:

"You're forgiven this time."

"Wonderful!"

And the blond boy laughed again. The toys all watched the scene with a strong curiosity. At this precise moment, they began to wonder if that new comer was able to produce _other_ reactions than _laughing_ in response to whatever circumstances.

Not that they minded right now. On the contrary, they found the energetic child rather amusing. Even more because of how he appeared _different _from Bruce. Seeing those two kids of the same age looking as opposite as day and night was a special yet kinda hilarious picture.

Bruce had been super happy he met someone to whom he could show his bedroom and the various toys there, introducing his favorites, explaining where they came from and giving everyone's names. For the first time in his life, someone else than Alfred entered in his little world!

However, and even if he listened with attention plus was genuinely interested in meeting Bruce's friends the toys, Joseph remained a _wild child_.

Consequently, soon he got bored with the visit, and asked what they could do to have fun _outside_.They were in a hot year, this end of September turned out to be as warm and sunny as summer has been. Thereby Kerr found it normal to enjoy the nice weather from the garden, instead of staying in the bedroom all afternoon.

Bruce just stared.

"You want to... play outside?", the dark-haired boy repeated.

He failed to identify the _reason_ behind this request.

"Why?"

J stared back.

"Why? Well to have _fun_, what else?!"

Bruce honestly didn't get it. He never understood those activities children his age associated with free time. That is to say racing in the garden, throwing a ball, climbing trees in the parc, playing hide-and-seek, practicing wrestling moves. Not that he was _against these_ either. They simply have never been... part of his world.

At first when Kerr initiated those games, he even asked:

"What is the _point_ in what you are doing?"

J climbed a walnut tree, and he now hanged himself feet up and head down, his knees around a branch to more or less secure him, while his arms dangled below. Bruce stayed on the ground and was holding Edward tightly, feet in the grass while he watched incredulously the other kid acting like a nimble monkey on the low branchs of the tree he elected to climb in the garden.

In return, Joseph had been surprisingly _patient_ on the subject. When he noted Bruce felt sincerely _at a loss_ in regard to his behaviors and had no idea how to interact, he decided to explain and to show him the advantages and positive aspects of those activities.

They started by sharing their time schedule between sequences spent playing with Bruce's toys in the bedroom or living room, and playing with the toys outside. From then, J progressively introduced his new-found apprentice to what he called the "other versions" of playing. A process which evolved rapidly, since at present time they were in October month and Bruce gladly participated in all those pastimes he despised before his meeting with his classmate.

They were children, so it was no big surprise Bruce grew curious enough to adopt the new occupations. Still, no one at Wayne Manor would have bet his general conduct could change so drastically in only a few weeks.

Naturally, that he found new ways to entertain himself _didn't mean_ he fully replaced playing with his toys by those activities. But he spent more time interacting exclusively with J, both at school and at the Manor during all the free afternoons outside the school timetable.

And this is how the nightmare began.

J Kerr went from 'curious element' and 'entity bringing fresh air to the house in an odd yet somehow sympathetic manner' to an intrusive stranger who became too important in Bruce's mind and heart whilst he mobilized too much of his time, attention and affection.

(())

_Now:_

"I am doing it tomorrow.", Edward declared forcefully.

"No, you are not.", Jonathan disapproved categorically. "You can't possibly be serious. Bruce will notice _immediately_."

"Of course not! He is too busy _sleeping at night_ now he is exhausted with all the energy he puts into trying to impress that psychopath every day."

Jonathan huffed.

"Brucie is going to panic if he doesn't find you tonight.", the rag doll insisted. "You _realize_ that?"

Edward blinked, then a strong pang of guilt confused him.

"He... won't even notice.", he tried to persuade himself. "I'll leave only for one night."

"What if something happens to you?", his partner protested again, unwilling to agree with such dotty idea.

"I'll be alright.", Eddie assured. "Thanks for the concern."

Then from soft his tone turned _mischievous_ and he smirked:

"I didn't know you were so worried about me. But after all I understand: poor thing, you'd be lost without me."

Jon shook his head.

"You are a _lost cause_."

"Tell me something I don't know."

The pair kept on bickering as they always did, an in-between of old married couple's banter and childish, petty arguments led by two brats.

Every quarrel involving Edward counted by default among the funny daily interactions, a judgement shared by all the persons he fought with. That is to say, everyone; since he claimed "being irritating" was his super power.

So even the more serious subjects like the one debated right now turned into an overexaggerated humorous show.

Edward felt victorious as he burried himself deeper in the coat inside Joseph's backpack.

He had Jonathan's reproving look in mind... An opinion shared by most of the toys. Really, only Selina was into it. Harvey didn't specifically like Kerr either, but he didn't mind his presence. He dealt with it. Although it bothered him a bit he wouldn't think of doing anything _against_ it.

As for Jervis, he approved of Edward's obsession for the sole reason it allowed him to be included in what he named "a cool plan". That the other main toys rectified in "not 'cool' at all, potentially dangerous and by no means a good idea" didn't discourage the felt rabbit wearing a blue hat and jacket. Ed expressed his gratefulness for the support.

For once, it was an advantage to be small. Jervis and him could hide much easier than their fellow comrades.

"That is so exciting!"

"Shhh!", Eddie ordered his partner in crime of the moment.

The two of them entered in the bag while Bruce and J played together. The weather was warm today too, so the laughing child removed his old thin coat and as ever when he did, won't put it back on when he'll leave. Thus Eddie and Jervis will live the experience as "detective buddies", given how the figurine called their team up.

Jon, Pam, Harvey and Oswald couldn't have sneaked like that. And for the rest, albeit all the toys LOVED Bruce, not everyone was as involved in the young owner's well-being as were the main Gallery members, constituted of Bruce's favorites.

"I feel like a secret agent out in a mission!", the white rabbit said again, and Edward kicked him while whispering a furious:

"Quiet!"

"Ouch!", the other grumbled.

The kick wasn't strong, the only thing it hurt was the hattered toy's ego.

"You are too mean with me!", he whined, and Edward forced himself not to retort with _sarcasm_.

Contrary to most of his friends with whom teasing and being playfully rough was a normal manner to communicate, it stayed slightly different with Jervis. The rabbit failed to get humor. More than once, the other toys had to apologize to him because he thought they were being openly dismissive while it was only games, and never nasty ones, in everyone else's mind.

He progressively got used to it, but living at the house and among the _main Gallery_ moreover, for only six months, he still struggled a bit at times.

"If someone notices, everything is ruined.", Ed chose to explain in a more calm tone. "We must behave as _real_ secret agents and go through with it, okay?"

"It rocks!"

"Of course.", Eddie smirked. "How could it not be great? After all, _I am_ the one in charge."

He hesitated an instant then added, using his 'project manager voice' as his friends jeered gently:

"I am almost fifty percent sure nothing could go wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a serious summit meeting.  
Or... something like that. ^^

"What if he doesn't go home and that instead he throws his bag somewhere in the middle of the town then he leaves?!"

Edward blinked upon detecting the sincere worry in Jervis' voice.

"You realize this is not only _highly im__probable_, but also attesting of your severe case of paranoia, right?"

The Hatter considered it with a pout, half offended half forced to recognize the veracity in his friend's analysis. After what he clarified:

"I was only studying the possibilities."

"Yes. Well... That was a relevant comment.", Edward mocked, what increased the other's vexed attitude.

Not that Ed minded much. He was too busy eying their surroundings. He watched with a meticulous attention the city via a small hole in Kerr's backpack.

Bruce took him to school a few times. He put him in his bag or in his large coat pocket. And he brought him regularly when doing trips in town; so Eddie saw Gotham more than once already.

Still, there was something incredibly _exciting_ about being in the town again, this time taking the role of an agent in an undercover mission.

"What if we get lost?", Jervis whined again, and Ed had to physically control the cynical remark raising.

"We _won't_.", he huffed with the very limited, (close to _inexistent_) patience he possessed.

"But what are we gonna do if he notices us? Should we..."

"Jervis.", Edward let out through gritted teeth. "If you don't stop complaining, we will both have a _problem_."

"How could _you_ say that?!", the rabbit cried out. "You complain all the time about everything, yet you are everyone's _favorite_!"

"That's because it's an art and I am a genius.", Eddie retorted with a wry smile. "I _master_ the area. Nobody but me can proudly claim to be insufferable, bratty, provocative and condescending while remaining so adorable you don't have another choice but to love me."

Jervis narrowed his almond-shaped eyes as he considered the affirmation, then he sighed with despair.

"... I can't even disagree since it's _true_.", he resigned himself.

"Told you.", Eddie winked playfully. "I am untouchable and I do what I want."

"What are we gonna do if Bruce looks for Ed?"

"Now that is the question.", Pamela jested. "We wouldn't have thought of this issue without your help, Croc."

Waylon missed the transparent sarcasm, so he replied nicely:

"I am always ready to assist!"

Pam decided that getting into another round of desperately trying to explain humor to the wooden crocodile was pointless and they had other priorities at hand.

Jonathan relaunched the debate by asking the group:

"Anyone has an idea?"

Drury, the playmobil firefighter, raised his claw, like a pupil would do in a classroom to ask the teacher to be allowed to speak.

"To me it's simple.", he informed them solemnly when he had the others' attention. "We should have discussed this earlier."

In reaction to what the toys shared a concerned glance. If a few of them were vaguely amused, the most notable was how _exasperated_ Jonathan and Pamela looked.

"Thanks for your input, Firefly.", the rag doll complimented, using the nickname the Gallery gave to the playmobil supposed to _fight _fire. "Any other... brilliant contribution?"

The rubber bat Bruce got during Halloween two years ago and kept in his extended toys Gallery from then, raised a wing.

"Kirk.", Jon invited, taking his well-known professor role. "What is it you want to propose?"

"I think we should distract Bruce.", the bat explained. "If we manage to put him in trouble with his parents tonight, he will be so sad and unhappy he'll cry himself to sleep and won't bother looking for Edward, he'll only grab a stuffed one or a pillow to cuddle."

This declaration was met by an absolute silence before everyone began to protest vividly against this plan causing their Brucie potential pain. The cacophony was akin to what backyard poultry produces. Jon tried to control his raising anger while Pam clenched her light green fists to repress the urge to _hit _the unfortunate person closest to her.

"Everyone, quiet!", the scarecrow doll ordered.

No reaction from the group what went on with their mutual clash.

"I said..."

To support Jon, Selina had the clever idea to call Bane to the rescue, and the tall sports coach figurine blew in the whistle around his neck.

Everyone shut their mouth, jaws and equivalent.

Jonathan saluted the cat's idea by an approving nod.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome.", Selina assured in a grin what revealed all her sharp white teeth.

"Now.", he insisted, taking advantage of the recovered truce. "We must make sure Bruce doesn't search Edward tonight."

"We could distract him but in an intelligent manner.", Basil intervened.

As often, the plasticine shapeshifter used the appearance of a mass of modelling paste in the one could be seen the shape of a large mouth and two big eyes.

"Let me doubt.", Pamela said, failing to refrain her laugh. "Of your definition of the word 'intelligent'."

Bane showed enough responsiveness to blow in his whistle again before the hubbub could settle back. The toys got the message, they kept their comments for later.

To keep the benefits of the calm, Basil pursued the phrasing of his idea:

"If Selina disembowels... for example Oswald, that will be a great distraction.", he exposed. "Bruce will have to ask Alfred to sew him back, it will take them the entire evening and he'll only focus on Oz, not on someone else!"

"Hey! I totally disagree with that!", the stuffed penguin objected.

He appeared outraged by such prospect, what was for once an appropriate and not exaggerated reaction. Selina however, saw a great occasion to be teasing, so she intervened:

"I like birds and I like fishs.", she purred. "So I would _love_ to take a bite of a penguin."

And from then, everyone was back at talking drivel way too loudly, to support, protest and make fun, plus to propose new plans even more ridiculous.

Pam and Jon shared a look.

"Leave it be.", the statuette advised. "There is already _nothing_ to expect from them in normal situations, so even less when they are in such a mood."

Jonathan sighed.

"You are right I'm afraid."

The noisy chaos only decreased then stopped when Arnold, whom everyone here called 'Ventriloquist', arrived. The muppet with dissociative personality disorder was in charge to be the lookout this evening while the Wayne had dinner then when Bruce went on with his routine before he night. He showed up panicked and shouted:

"Brucie finished to brush his teeth, Alfred will put him to bed in the incoming two minutes!"

The toys hurried to either get back to the place they occupied before their summit meeting, or they managed to find a position which didn't seem too weird. Selina as for her jumped on the bed and made herself look innocent by grooming her glossy black fur.

"Really.", Pamela swore while Jon and her plunged in the whicker basket where Bruce kept most of his favorites.

Or at least, where _Alfred_ put them. Because if it was just up to him, the young master would let his toys on the desk, bed, armchairs and of course spread everywhere on the floor.

"We should banish Ventriloquist from playing sentinel.", she ended.

"... We should banish _everyone_ from doing _everything_, given how poorly they deal with missions.", her friend jeered, and the dryad validated this very true statement.

"My name is Harley Quinn. May I know what ya are doin' at Mistah J's house?!"

Jervis shot Ed a death glare.

"So, genius?", he accused him. "What is your plan now?"

Edward would have gladly answered with his usual snark, but right now he was too busy trying to find a way to keep them both out of troubles.

What was a bit of a failed objective so far.

When Joseph placed his bag in his bedroom then left, more likely to go on with an evening routine of his, Ed and Jervis prudently emerged from their hidding spot. Only to be greeted by an oversized red plastic hammer bigger than Edward's head. And the person holding it was an edgy Barbie doll wearing the most menacing facial expression ever.

But eh. After all they were the ones invading the territory here, not the other way around. Consequently, Edward must try to justify his friend and himself's presence in this room.

"Hello.", he introduced therefore, with a practiced polite intonation. "My name is Edward Nygma, I am a detective."

The Barbie seemed anything but convinced.

"You can trust me.", he pursued in a more confident tone. "My brain power is superior to everyone else's. Thus you should realize your chance to be in my presence today, given the fact you will never meet someone like me around again."

"Eddie.", Jervis whispered a very stressed warning. "This is _not_ what I'd call a friendly approach."

"What?! This is the friendlier I am capable of!", the figurine retorted curtly, and the other sighed.

Sure thing, this was going to be _difficult_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware of the fact the previous chapter has been posted... over one month ago now XD. But although it takes longer than planned, this little story will be completed.  
Thank you for reading, and I hope you still like it! <3

"Impressive!", Harleen complimented cheerfully, and Jervis bowed down as a magician would after his show time in a theatre.

"Isn't it?", the white rabbit reinforced the mood, and Edward rolled his eyes.

He disliked not being the center of attention, so even more when it was to witness someone _else_ than him acting all overdramatic when they expose their talent. Jervis was a dedicated fan of magic tricks, and his shy persona simply _disappeared_ whenever he got to practice those in front of a public.

In the middle of their chat, Harley revealed that "Mistah J loves magic tricks!", and this sparkle led to the unfortunate present session. 

How did they arrive to this situation, Ed wondered. They were supposed to _spy_. What he longed to find at Kerr's precisely, even him couldn't tell; but that didn't stop him from setting up this slightly ridiculous and way too adventurous plan. Then they met this blond toy in J's house and... after they talked a bit, kinda out of the blue their discussion turned into some sort of _farce_. Not at all an expected turn of events, and not a... particularly satisfying one either.

"So you are a Barbie doll, and you are aware of it.", Eddie cut before Jervis launched another magic trick. "You live in his house and he takes care of you, but you don't... consider yourself a toy.", he summarized the situation as Harley exposed it, in order to have them focus again on the interesting part of their exchange.

Luckily, it worked. Instead of having to suffer one more magic representation, the attention switched back to Harleen whom shook her head no, her blond pigtails bouncing in the movement.

"Nope.", she confirmed. "Mistah J doesn't play with mah. He only puts me there and talks ta mah sometimes, but he never treats me as a toy."

There was something disturbingly despondent about the way she said it, and the objectively depressing fate of a toy condemned not to be played with. It was like... removing part of their essence, keeping them from fulfilling what they were _meant _to be.

"How long since you are living with him?", Ed inquired as well.

"Two years."

Her enthusiasm restaured itself already, as she went on with her storytelling:

"He had me at d'a hospital, and the docs let him keep me from then. He says I am his friend but he never... shows it. He is a very secretive boy, Mistah J. Ya know d'at?"

"I would have said very 'psychotic'.", Edward shared his opinion.

"Or very 'crazy'.", Jervis supplemented, and the two shared a glance of mutual agreement.

"But... sure.", Eddie added then. "I suppose 'secretive' fits, too."

Harley shot them a stern glare.

"Don't yah make fun of ma boy!", she threathened, and the others nodded prudently.

"Got it, don't worry.", Ed even recognized in a gentle tone. "We all go mad too, when someone mocks our Brucie in a mean manner."

"Oh. I take it you are... more than two?"

"We are a full _Gallery!_", Jervis chanted happily.

"It's not as cool as it may seem.", the detective figurine sighed. "We are always... fighting. That's basically the _only_ thing we spend our days and nights at."

He smiled softly nonetheless. Sure, everybody complained about everyone else and the petty, childish situations they lived daily. Even _Edward_ vehemently whined over those while _he_ often was at the origin of the why things went sour in an immature and hilarious manner.

But truth be told... they _loved_ their wacky family life.

It would be boring to be an only child when you can play, fight, argue, scream after, make fun of, harass, embarass, bother, irritate... and practice many other recreational activities, with a bunch of cool friends.

So Ed and Jervis found rather sad the fact Harley lived here alone with Joseph, without fellow toys or animals to keep her company. Each of them loved their Bruce with all their plastic, felt, rag, porcelain, plush, paper and other material depending on their manufacture, heart. But it would be a dull life if it was just one of them with Brucie and no one to play with outside the moments their owner makes them live fantastic stories.

"Did your 'Mistah J' change?", Edward asked later during the evening. "After he... met Bruce?"

The doll tilted her head to the side.

"Change?", she quoted. "What do you mean?"

Eddie and Jervis shared another look.

"Bruce behaves differently.", the rabbit confessed eventually. "He was much closer to us before he crossed paths with Joseph; he was not used to interact friendly with a human being before. And it affected his general conduct both with us and at our home, when he introduced those contacts."

"Your stupid psychotic kid corrupted our Brucie's mind!", Edward screamed. "_This is _what happened!"

Jervis sighed. It was only a matter of time, he tried to reassure himself. Of _course_ Ed's collected behavior would crack and he'll accuse someone _again_ for being now only the second favorite in Bruce's rank of friends.

He never missed an occasion to victimize himself because of it, so he won't pass the opportunity now he had access to a potential culprit: Kerr's companion and favorite toy. Whom was also his... only toy, and with whom he behaved apparently _nothing_ like what one would expect from a eight years old with a Barbie doll; but still. To snivel is _always_ Edward's prioritized plan, regardless of who is involved and whatever the situation.

________

"At least he didn't look for Ed.", Pamela noted in a sleepy tone of voice.

"Finally a good new.", Jonathan approved.

The two of them shared a rather sweet smile. They were good friends; but more than that sometimes they impersonated the 'parents figure' among the toys Gallery, the others named them under this label a few times. Although they were just as overdramatic and childish as them in some traits of their demeanors, they _indeed_ acted slightly more mature here and there.

So right now they felt... relieved, to see their Brucie sleeping peacefully at night, nested in his bed between the warm blankets and his stuffed toys. Selina jumped on the mattress while Alfred wished him good night earlier, and the black cat was now sound asleep, curled up on a fluffy pillow next to their young master. No doubt, the sight was a cute one.

"Let's just hope everything went alright for Eddie and Jervis.", Jon concluded, in answer to what the dryad statuette nodded.

"They'd better come back here _safe and sound _tomorrow.", she enunciated firmly.

"Sure thing."

Soon they called it a day, and closed the cap of the wicker basket they currently stayed inside of. Nothing else required their attention over the incoming hours, no need to watch over the house or their occupants for now. Thereby they could relax and take a good night of rest alongside with their friends.

"He looks like Bruce."

Edward wished Jervis wouldn't have voiced out loud this truthful fact he noticed himself. Now the words have been _pronounced _however, so he couldn't deny it anymore or brush the resemblance aside with a shrug. The opposite: he had no other choice but to acknowledge this _veracity_.

"Yar Bruce cries at night too?"

"He often does.", the white rabbit informed their freshly-found ally. "To the point it's sometimes when he _doesn't _that we began to worry."

The three of them sat on a cupboard in the wall shelf facing J's bed. The boy came back to his cramped room late at night, and when he did he looked nothing like the always-laughing kid they grew used to see at Wayne Manor. His smile vanished and his general energetic attitude seemed... drained. Obviously exhausted, he didn't turn on the lights and lost no time to disappear under the thin sheets of his small bed, as if he wished nothing but to be _done_ with today. At first Edward thought he fell asleep instantly because he didn't move at all; but then they heard the sniffing. Followed by muffled sounds what won't fool anybody: these are the well-known attempts at hiding someone is crying. The noises stopped only _much_ later, when the child finally fell asleep.

Now in the dead of night, together in the small bedroom, the toys pondered over their situation at the same time so different yet so similar. Bruce and J Kerr definitely have more in common than meets the eye. Except that...

"Bruce has Alfred.", Ed surprised himself when he stepped into the confidences realm. "And us. So even when things are not... bright, or when they are even _far from alright _between him and his parents, there is always someone there to comfort him."

"... Mistah J doesn't come to mah when he feels off.", Harley admitted in response, a bit sheepish. "He doesn't talk ta anyone. He just... takes it. He takes everythin', he shuts up and he cries all d'a time. Every night. Plus he has to be silent and not make too much noise otherwise the ol' bitch enters here ta scream after him to be quiet."

Ed and Jervis shared a look. They didn't see another room of the apartment, didn't see the rest of Kerr's family either. But it has been enough for them to feel truly uncomfortable in those surroundings.

"I thought he is an optimist.", Eddie whispered, way more disturbed than he would have guessed. "Some kind of... clown, because he always smiles and he looks so pleased with everything all the time whenever Bruce and him are together. Plus he always _laughs_."

"Well he doesn't smile when he's here, he only _cries_. He laughed at d'a hospital sometimes, and I know he does when he's outside too, even if da't rare. But here at this house? He ain't happy, not ever. So if he's always laughin' when at your place... then that means he must like yar Bruce _very much_.", Harley suggested with delicacy.

Edward hoped he could replace his confused feelings by clear thoughts at this moment. When he didn't succeed at this aimed goal, he rather commented with a half-hearted:

"Must be it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is... more of a transition.

"I wish I could met yar friends! Yar life seems so cool!"

"... I admit it's not that bad.", Edward dithered.

Not because he claimed to be unable to feel empathy (for whatever reason he deemed this dubious affirmation as being useful for his 'reputation'...), meant he couldn't detect the _envy_ behind Harley's words. Consequently, no need to insist on just how 'cool' their lives were precisely, that would be more cruel than anything, and to cause her jealousy to grow wider is plainly _unnecessary_.

They talked a long moment at night, before Ed and Jervis witnessed another very Bruce-like habit: J woke up, way too early, and sat on his bed. What woke him up they couldn't tell, but he stayed there, staring wide-eyed in the dark.

The bedroom was not plunged into complete darkness however, because of the absence of curtains or shutters at the window. The opposite: the city lights which entered in the small space were bright enough to see, to the point this must be annoying sometimes to sleep in this never-fully-dark bedroom. In addition, the ambiance was not a calm one either due to the ever-lasting urban noises of the too busy streets, impossible to shut off no matter the hour of the day or the night. So even _less_ when living here, in an active suburb at Gotham.

"What's happening?", the hattered rabbit whispered nervously.

"Shhh.", Harleen ordered them both, her index figer placed on her lips painted with black plastic lipstick.

She gestured them to keep quiet, and the two toys obeyed.

Bruce frequently woke up in the middle of the night too, but it never _stressed _them. They were used to those nights, and when their owner was in a 'good phase', those times turned out to be pleasant ones: he went to the window, took some of them with him and played, or simply watched the stars and the park circling his mansion.

When he woke up after a _nightmare_, he cried, but even when he felt down he almost always grabbed his Toys Gallery and cuddled them, talked to them or played a little when he could, to distract himself from the visions and to fight his too strong anxiety which makes him an _insomniac_ even at his young age. He interacts to calm himself down, and when he feels bold enough he calls Alfred. Contrary to his parents whom repeatedly lecture him for waking them up, arguing that he has "no reason to act like a baby" and "should control himself a bit more!", the butler never lost patience with Bruce. He was always ready to offer comfort, and to play with him and the toys when it helped after a nocturnal awakening episode.

So objectively speaking, Edward and Jervis _had_ experience when it came to insomniac little boys with peculiar (not to say _slightly scary_ and on the verge of turning _mildly depressing_) behaviors. Yet right now... they felt truly uncomfortable.

Kerr was not moving. Not at all, not a inch. His silent breathing didn't disturb the more and more heavy atmosphere, and his eyes shined as if the black iris held glitters. The sight was... weird, to say the least.

What was he waiting for exactly? Even when their Brucie felt at a loss after he woke up at night, he never just... stared, motionless and creepy, sitting on the middle of his bed. Sometimes he needed a few minutes of adjustment, but then he did _something_.

While J seemed to have turned into a _zombie_ incapable of producing a reaction.

"He freaks me out.", Jervis murmured, unable to keep it for himself any longer.

"Same!", Ed jumped on the opportunity to talk. "Seriously, what's wrong with him?"

"Shut up both of ya!", Harley scolded them again. "And there ain't _nothin'_ wrong with him!"

To what Edward retorted:

"_How_ can you convince yourself of this?! I mean just... look at him!"

The blond Barbie doll huffed to express her disapproval.

"He is special, not crazy."

"Doesn't change anything to the fact that right now he is _scary as Hell_."

This time she didn't deny Eddie's assertion.

"Why is he leaving now? It's... early."

"He goes to da job.", Harley informed them quietly.

"... At 6 am?", Edward noted with disbelief, watching the alarm clock nearby indicating 5:47 am.

"His schedule depends on d'a day.", the Barbie went on. "Sometimes he starts very early, sometimes not. And it changes when he goes to d'a hospital."

"Why is he going to the hospital?"

Once again, Eddie would have preferred if Jervis kept his question for himself. Sure thing, the figurine was curious as well, but asking this implied getting... further involved into Kerr's private life, including the potentially _harsh_ parts of it. And although it _was_ sort of the point to learn more when they decided to go to his house, Edward was no longer comfortable with the prospect.

"He spent a lot of time there when he was younger. Now a li'l less, but he still goes for da checks.", Harley answered casually, as if it was a perfectly normal and ordinary topic. "Has problems with his brain and with his... general attitude."

"What kind of problems?"

Harleen made a face, as if she tried to remember.

"Bunch of those.", she ended up responding. "But mostly _psychological_. Doctors treated the split personality and they said it's 'okay', so now it's only checks ta see if everythin's alright."

"The what?", Jervis asked again.

"... He is special, Mistah J.", Harley concluded with delicacy. "Special and not crazy. But ya can say he is... not okay."

The feeling of wrongness increased painfully.

Edward wished he never came up with this stupid idea to go see what happens in Kerr's home life. Because now that he got into it, even partly? Well now he already _knew_, no suspense there, that he was going to _investigate_, to dig deeper into the subject and to analyze how he can _intervene_.

After all, he was the best detective in the whole world, was he not? Or... at least that's what the opening of the kids' cartoon The Riddle Factory where his character comes from claims at the beginning of each episode.

Time to prove it in practice.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie doesn't only have good ideas. No kidding...

"... What?"

"Thank you for this vivid reaction attesting of your clever mastery of the language and your fantastic ability to produce brilliant analysis, Jon."

Jonathan huffed audibly.

"I take it back.", he grumbled. "I didn't 'miss you'."

"I was gone for only a day.", Edward laughed, way too glad as whenever he got to tease his dear friend in an exaggerated and theatrical manner. "But I _understand_ how deeply this must have affected you. Such a long separation quickly became unbearable for you, your life felt empty and dull without me."

"... When did I ever say that?!"

"You don't have to 'say' anything, Jonathan. It's easy enough for me to read in your eyes."

The scarecrow rag doll rolled the two dark blue buttons forming said eyes to show his despair in regards of the situation. Sure thing it was more for the show than anything else, but they simply _enjoyed _to mess around with each other. Albeit they indeed shared a close complicity, Ed and him were not the only ones who played verbally with each other's nerves like that. On the contrary, everyone practiced the habit in the Gallery; the main toys more specifically but not only. They adopted sarcasm and a playfully rough attitude towards one another as a way of life for a long while.

Edward and Jervis were back in the Manor by now; however it had been... kind of a challenge earlier.

While J got ready to leave his flat (way too early...), the two of them, under Harleen's mentorship, got inside his backpack and hided at the bottom of the bag.

"He doesn't come back to da house before school.", Harley had informed them just before. "If ya wanna leave, ya better do it now or next shot won't be before tomorrah."

Next thing she asked if they'll come back, to what Jervis immediately promised they will. Ed let him speak, unwilling to intervene even if he didn't agree with his fellow toy's statment. He wasn't even sure _why_ they planned this discovery trip to begin with, so they most certainly won't try again.

'Most certainly' yet... something told him it won't be the last time they'll hear about Harleen.

_Earlier today:_

"Now is the best time.", Edward whispered. "We must switch to Bruce's bag."

"Are you sure? It seems risky..."

Eddie closed his eyes a few seconds, as if he begged his inexistant patience for help. He was a whining little thing by nature, but at least he was always one to express the _will _to run into actions.

While the hattered rabbit was _a whining little thing_ too, except that he belonged to the paranoid side. The kind who is exceedingly prudent, who asks for permission and who needs to be reassured ten times before daring to do something. _Why_ had Ed asked him to join, again?

"Jervis.", the plastic figurine tried in his most coaxing tone. "Recess begun. It means _everyone_ is outside in the playground for the incoming half an hour, both the children and their teacher. It's our chance to move! The following one might be at the canteen during noon break, or at recess this afternoon. So we must..."

"Let's wait for the canteen!", the other pled. "We'll have more time to move!"

"Ugh! Brucie's bag is _on the back of the chair next to ours! _It's easy!"

"But what if someone enters the classroom?! Or if there's a..."

"Screw you, I'm going! Feel free to follow me or to _stay here alone!_"

There, Edward deemed he made an effort and used the most patient and friendly approach he could have.

True point, J and Bruce sitting next to one another helped the transport. But no way Edward could jump from Joseph's bag to their owner's; he'll have to go down on the seat, then on the floor to _after_ climb the other chair, and finally enter Bruce's bag. The task at hand was not a particularly difficult one, the only issue being not to get caught while exposed.

"Wait.", the Hatter opposed. "I have a bad feeling."

"... Jervis, you _are_ a bad feeling."

Great, now the felt rabbit _pouted_ and his pride bruised under the (not even that harsh, Ed failed to get what sounded offensive in his sentence...) words. Consequently, the recess which already started a bit of time ago by now, ended up dedicated to reassure and comfort him. The things Edward did in the name of friendship...

By the time they were done with their banter, the recess almost finished. Yet Ed felt adventurous, he decided he could do the climbing even with the limited time left. Also because he... didn't want to stay around Jervis any longer. He rather launched his undertaking, but couldn't go through with it. Indeed, going down J's chair turned out more complicated than intended... and required more time than planned. A _lot more time_.

As a result, Ed was just down the chair, below the blond boy's bag, when the children entered the classroom again, before their teacher. And from then, things get a little out of hand.

"It's my Eddie!", Bruce noted as soon as the two of them arrived at their desk. "What... what is _my Eddie_ doing below _your_ bag?!"

Okay. This looked bad.

J chuckled, because this was his... traditional way to react, no surprise there.

"How would I have known?", he shrugged then, deeply amused while Bruce shot him a death glare. "You think I stole it from you or whatever?"

"He fell from your bag! What was he doing in your bag?!"

The laughing kid shrugged again. But then he perceived the tension forming in the air, so he adopted a more concerned attitude.

"Brucie, I didn't steal anything.", he justified himself, as he understood his pal felt legitimately attacked. "You... don't believe me?"

Another cold, unforgiving death glare.

"Why was _my_ Edward in _your_ bag?", he blamed him severely.

"... Perhaps he entered in my bag on his own while I was at your house yesterday and then travelled with me to my place? I felt spied on last night, as if there was someone in my room who shouldn't have been there!", he recalled, before his lips drew their usual huge grin again. "This must have a link, don't you think?!"

"..."

"Oh come on!", the blond kid giggled hysterically. "Don't tell me you never wondered about toys walking on their own and trying to live an adventure!"

"I've _never_.", Bruce retorted darkly. "And you know why? Because toys are _toys_."

"And so? They can't be alive too? That's so rude!"

He laughed some more. It was hard to tell if he made fun of the situation or genuinely believed in the arguments he voiced. Again, what a weirdo...

"Why was my Edward Nygma in your bag?", Bruce resumed his investigation as a Commissioner in charge of an urgent case.

"What makes you think he was in my bag?", Joseph retorted, and his too wide smile showed all his irregular teeth. "Maybe he was in _yours_."

"I _would have known_ if I brought my best friend to school today!"

It had been a... special moment.

Edward felt ectastic, filled with joy upon hearing Bruce call him his best friend. This is who he has been for a while, Bruce and him quickly bonded when he got him as a Christmas present.

And then... then J's facial expression screamed how this _hurt him_.

"Am I not your best friend?", the boy asked, at a loss.

Bruce only stared back.

"... I didn't steal your stupid figurine!", he said, and his tone reflected anger.

Then he opened widely his backpack.

"Go ahead, take a look!", he hissed aggressively. "Since you don't believe me, there is nothing else than..."

"Jervis?!"

"Who?"

"My Hatter rabbit!"

Bruce grabbed the toy. He was furious.

"So you come to my house and you steal my toys, but you call yourself my friend? My best friend even?!"

"I swear I have no idea what it's doing there!"

"I don't care! I don't want to hear anything else!"

It was not the first time Bruce had an autistic breakdown at school, so as soon as he began talking too loudly, the teacher rushed to him and made him leave the class to go to the infirmary. She was truly unwilling to take care of another episode of that kind, so she rather elected to intervene before Bruce got into a crisis. Even in quite simple situations like those, better be safe than sorry.

Turned out 'simple' may was not the most fitting adjective for the moment: the school had to call Alfred to come and pick him, because he refused to go back in class for the rest of the day.

_Now:_

"... So this is what you call a conclusive experience?", Pamela jeered once the two of them finished their tale.

"It's conclusive because we learned more about Kerr.", Edward replied, vexed by her dismissive tone.

"And having Bruce and him fight today, Brucie leave school, be scolded by his parents because of this and then cry over what happened all evening is... conclusive too?", Harvey asked, doubtful.

The toys remained quiet a short moment. They reunited for a summit meeting in order to discuss the issue.

"Well...", Eddie dithered, sheepish all of a sudden. "Not _everything_ went as planned, but..."

"We can fix that!", Jervis supplemented energetically.

The group shared a questioning gaze.

Then because no one figured out what to respond, Pammy sighed and declared:

"You'd _better_."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a Toy Story, and that means it can never really reach an ending. After all... toys have just too much to play with and they will always have fun ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is a weird idea that appeared out of the blue in a... dream. I swear. It was not supposed to go further than chapter one, so although I know I could have written what happens in this last chapter more in detail, or go for a longer story... I am pleased nonetheless with how it turned out. And I wanted to give it a conclusion this year, so... here it comes.  
Thank you for reading, love! <3  
I hope you enjoyed :)

"I know I acted stupid yesterday. I panicked and..."

"T'sokay.", Joseph shrugged and addressed him an apolegetic smile. "There. To prove you it's nothing, I brought a friend too."

He handed over an edgy Barbie with blond pigtails, entirely dressed in red and black, her clothes matching her arlequin makeup of the same colors.

"Let me introduce Harley Quinn.", he stated, more jovial. "Harleen Quinzel of her full name. I met her a while ago, at... Gotham General."

"What were you doing at the hospital?"

They sat down and they talked.

That's all they did for once. No game, no race in the playground, no high-intensity exercise contrary to what they appreciate performing when spending time together.

Today they just sat on a bench, like grown-ups would, to share confessions about their lives and debate over their feelings towards the other.

__________________________

"... So J is still stealing Bruce's affection and attention from you but it doesn't bother you anymore?"

"It doesn't. I grew up.", Eddie decided, and the others approved this neat sign of maturity.

The weeks passed, their owner and the laughing child became _inseparables_. Oh and, although J went back to his house at least once or twice a week, for the rest he began to... more or less live here.

Alfred invited him to stay one night, and from then a funny odd little thing called 'life' went on. With new habits, among the ones having Joseph Kerr over so regularly he became a real member of their world. Truth be told, this was great. Harley joined, naturally, and while J wasn't there all days, as for her she now lived at the Manor, she became its new permanent resident.

"I love ta see Mistah J happy like da't.", she admitted fondly. "I love Brucie for making da't possible. And I love ya all!"

They laughed over this mutual feeling shared by everyone here. They loved their friends, they loved their lives. No question.

"We love you, too.", Pammy materialized the feelings into words, before she put a tender kiss on the cheek of their dear buddy-girl.

The Barbie doll and the dryad statuette got along just _so well_. Everyone welcomed Harley Quinn, and she quickly became very good friends with the Gallery. But no doubt there: it's with Pamela that her bond revealed itself to be the strongest.

"Doesn't change anything to the fact they are... playing with a _ball _and _outside_.", Edward couldn't help but notice afterwards.

It snowed during hours that night. As a result, Bruce and Joseph went out in the park covered of its thick white blanket. The sight of the Wayne property under this pure, immaculate whiteness, was plainly beautiful. The children dressed with heavy, respectively black and purple coats, plus the rest of an equipment suitable for the low temperatures.

Alfred made sure they weren't out in shirts and short pants in the garden this morning, since let's face it... that is totally something J could have done. And Bruce didn't always behave following a responsible line of conduct either. Thankfully, Super Butler watched over.

Now the kids played in the snow, an activity which the toys gazed at from the edge of the window of Bruce's huge bedroom, safely together inside the warm room.

"So?", Harvey relaunched. "They are having fun."

"And those are snow balls!", Jervis deemed useful to specify.

"But they are outside in the _snow_.", Selina shivered, the cat being the less pleased of their group by the weather change coming when winter is here.

"They look so cute!", Harley commented.

Pam and her shared a complicit glance.

"So... really? Nobody gets there is a _tiny little problem_? You don't see it, none of you? Not a bit?!", Edward couldn't hold back anymore, and let out in a theatrical manner. "I mean, look at Kerr trying to..."

"Mamma mia.", Jonathan sighed in an exaggerated kind of way before Eddie argued further. "Here we go again."


End file.
